dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Randomize
