my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
