You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
