morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Farmville is her only friend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
