Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
