apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you would pick up someone in the library
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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