oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
