Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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