If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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