I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
