Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
