I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
