he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
