My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
