I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
