she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
