bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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