I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
