Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
