Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
