Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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