Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
