dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
