dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
