Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
pray to the hookup gods
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
