Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
