well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
