it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
