My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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