Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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