I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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