Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
