9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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