??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
