On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
