why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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