May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
