and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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