your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
