I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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