so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
