you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
