the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
