I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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