Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
