How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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