I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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