Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
