It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
