The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
