BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
