I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
